I've never been allowed to see the long-term plans for my life. I just get to know what the next step is, and only when I take that step is the next phase revealed. Obviously, this is very aggrevating at times--especially in a world when every conversation starter has to do with wanting to know what my long-term plan is. But I know that God has a reason for all of it, and I probably would be overwhelmed by the seeing the whole plan anyway.
I've always used different analogies to explain my life - such as driving at night in a fog (meaning, I can only see what's right in front of me, and the only way to see beyond that is to move forward with what I can see). There's also the idea of God being a light unto my path, revealing in the dark where I should walk next. Recently, it's been the idea of being lost at sea, which is a little scarier than just walking in the dark (although that is also very scary sometimes). The main difference is that at sea, I have absolutely NO control, whereas when I'm walking I can still feel a little secure on my own. But that insecurity also is a good thing, because there's a peace in knowing that when I feel completely helpless is when I am able to trust God the most...in a way that I should trust at all times. That being the case, I guess I'm ok being lost at sea. And after all, I'm not really lost. God knows where I am and where I'm going, so I guess I should just sit back and enjoy the ride.
(sidenote: It's funny that my blog is "Hold on, It's a bumpy ride," because it becomes more of a reality everyday. haha)
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How could you see what you see and not totally
Want to discontinue me for all eternity and then some
It bothers me so that I could be so
Completely unaffected when connected to the holy one
And so I sit here and stare at this page and wonder
At what age it will become clear to me
So for now I am clueless to how you do this
And how you move this spirit in me
I'm going Your way
Even though I cannot see in front of me
I'm going Your way
Even though I feel lost at sea
How could your favor be the flavor I savor
When the fruits of my labor are so unfavorable
And old pages are setting the stages for something outrageous
A man who can save all our souls
And you know and you know
I'm going Your way
Even though I cannot see in front of me
I'm going Your way
Even though I feel lost at sea
Ride the wave, wave goodbye, by the way did I mention
Today that I don't know the way home
So could you take me by the hand
And lead me to the dryer land
So I can finally breathe again instead of sinking like a stone
And now I will diligently and not religiously but affectionately
Come before the throne of your grace in this place
And seek your face for all eternity and then some
-Jimmy Needham
Monday, December 1, 2008
Lost at Sea
Posted by Msha at 9:04 AM
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3 comments:
I was just looking through some of your posts and
um...oh my gosh. Yes. I totally feel the exact same way. i've always wondered why some people have always known what they wanted to do and be while I never knew anything except what was happeneing right then (and sometimes I didn't even understand that!) I am just NOW (i THINK) getting to the point where I can see a bit of what my "assignment" may be for a time.
so yes I am lost at see with you. I'm kind of thinking this is a good thing too b/c we get to experience all of these adventures and surprises along the way. At least it will never be boring! arg! we can be pirates!
yay for being pirates! (might as well be if we're stuck at sea anyway - haha)
and there's definitely a sense of reassurance in knowing that we're not the only ones feeling this way. it's "easier" than feeling like everyone but me has it all together :)
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